Study: Seeking Connection Can Trigger Shame Loops in Couples: An Attachment-Based Understanding

Authors: Gianina Frediani, Lieven Migerode

Source: https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12888

Free access to the study: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/370222334_Seeking_connection_can_trigger_shame_loops_in_couples_An_attachment-based_understanding

What Is Practically Relevant About This Study?

This study highlights how the need for emotional closeness in couple relationships can unintentionally trigger shame and lead to destructive interaction patterns. Shame is an intense emotion that often arises when someone feels they are not meeting the expectations or ideals of their partner. This study shows that shame reactions frequently occur when one partner seeks closeness, and the other partner perceives this as threatening. These reactions can lead to withdrawal or defensive behaviors, which in turn can frustrate the partner seeking closeness. This can create a vicious cycle of distancing and misunderstandings, referred to as the “shame loop.”

A practical approach that couple therapists can derive from this study is the careful handling of the topics of closeness and shame. It may be helpful to structure therapeutic sessions to provide sufficient space for exploring feelings of shame. This can be achieved through open discussions about relationship expectations and by gently addressing situations in which shame has been experienced. Additionally, couples can be encouraged to openly name and share their emotions before engaging in intense discussions about closeness. This may help minimize shame-induced reactions and gradually strengthen the relationship. Another practical example could involve helping couples recognize and understand their shame reactions and how these affect communication and emotional experiences within the relationship.

Methodology of the Study

The researchers used a theoretical approach based on attachment theory. They analyzed existing research literature and clinical case studies to describe the dynamics of how shame is triggered and maintained in couple relationships. The analysis focused on the mechanisms through which shame can be activated by both positive and negative interactions. A central element of the methodology was the examination of specific examples, such as scenes from well-known films, to illustrate the development of shame reactions and their consequences in couple relationships. The study combines theoretical discussions with practical case analyses to highlight the relevance of the findings for therapeutic practice.

Limitations

The main limitation of the study is the lack of empirical data to support the theoretical assumptions. The conclusions are based on theoretical models and clinical observations that have not been systematically tested. Additionally, the cultural homogeneity of the clients described in the case examples may limit the generalizability of the findings to other cultural contexts.

Peer-Review

This study was published in the “Family Process” journal, a peer-reviewed journal.

Disclosure

This text was generated with the help of ChatGPT and was editorially reviewed and edited. The study contents were not used as training material, and the analysis was conducted in compliance with current best practices regarding copyright.